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Go home Net-A-Porter, you’re drunk

October 16, 2013

L-A: Sometimes I get why fashion is so effing expensive. A crystal embellished lace dress by Dolce & Gabbana for $11,000? Sure it’s steep and almost as much as my new-to-me car, but shit takes a lot of time and skilled work. I mean, the details include “20% glass”. That’s a pretty big percentage of your dress to be make of something breakable. So okay, $11k. Fine. Whatever. But then I see this in my inbox from Net-A-Porter and I damn near do a spit take on my computer:

charlotte olympia boo pumpkin clutch


Oh sure, it’s “crafted from soft suede with red and black embroidery” and that “this leather-trimmed design features a detachable shoulder strap for versatility”. And I totally get that it would “put a playful spin on fall outfits”, but seriously. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??

No really. We’re serious? And we’re calling it limited edition and charging $595 for it? You do realize that’s $5 less than $600? For a suede pumpkin?

Because while I understand that the “95” or “99” at the end of the price makes it seem less psychologically, is someone really going to balk and say, “whoa! whoa! hold up! $600 is just too much for a purse I can only use for one Halloween party, because god help me if I’m seen with the same pumpkin clutch two years in a row. If only this were five dollars less, I’d totally purchase it.”

And some poor model had to keep a straight face for this:

charlotte olympia boo pumpkin clutch in action


Well done, kid. But now that we’ve seen it in situ with a Miu Miu top and Chloé bracelet, it makes all the difference now, doesn’t it? I can just see this being the hit of the fancy club party that Muffy VanWinkleburn-Jones attends. All the ladies will be like, “why Muffs! That’s is the most charming clutch! Wherever did you get it?” And Muffy will smile and tell them it’s limited edition and “just not available anymore, darlings.” And then next year she’ll give it to the housekeeper, who will look at it and say, “what in the name of god is this bullshit?” before giving it to her five year old to take trick-or-treating. I assume this is the circle of life for ridiculous purses.

For those of you who just can’t swing $595 this Halloween, I’ve got you covered. Here’s a little DIY solution:



You can either pick up everything you need from Michael’s, including the hot glue gun, or you can shell out for some suede if you know how to sew. Or if you’re not crafty, buy the one from Net-A-Porter. Your call. No matter what you choose, you’ll be the envy of every five year old girl.

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 16, 2013 1:36 pm

    Oh. my. word. That is HILARIOUS!!!! I get that it’s made of really expensive materials, but why would anyone over the age of like 8 want to carry it… Seriously. And I don’t know about you but I’m not shelling out $600 for a purse for me much less my child… haha. Thanks for offering my treat purse as an inexpensive alternative though… heehee

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