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In today’s “I Wasn’t Kidding!” Episode: I sort of want to be a rock band groupie.

January 23, 2012

Ally: Last week I inferred that I was slightly intrigued in the magical mystique that is the  rock band groupie. I discussed this over lunch on Friday with Official Intern Krista and L-A. While I don’t necessarily believe they endorsed this sentiment, I think they preferred it over my crush on Pretend Boyfriend Eminem (this seems to deeply upset Krista on many levels, mostly because he is getting precariously close to “ending up like Axl Rose”).

Chemical peel, much?


Krista also had this to say when asked her thoughts on the whole groupie issue, “My love for Duran Duran is still deep and abiding. John Taylor 4Eva.”

Speaking of Axl Rose, which we were.

Look at all the fun they’re having at the two minute mark. The excitement, the smoking with reckless abandon, the overuse of hoop earrings (seriously, I miss big hoop earrings). At this point, and at any other point in the future where it is questioned, I want to be clear that I was never an Axl Rose girl. Slash? Different story. Hit up 3:35 in the video and tell me you don’t wish you were one of the bridesmaids getting to chase that down the aisle. Just me? I would also like to be clear before we go any further that I don’t actually wish to engage in the actions of a groupie (besides smoking with reckless abandon with vodka on ice), I’m writing this post to share my love for their clothes, or lack thereof.

(Editors note: In “researching” this blog post, I came across the following site which ranks individual members of rock bands for their talents in the boudoir. It’s hysterical.)

While I tend to lean towards the rock groupie era of the late 80’s/early 90’s, the obvious go-to groupie icon is that of Penny Lane as played by Kate Hudson (when I used to like her) in Almost Famous.

Who can forget that coat? Or the boots?

I wonder if the rock stars provide the clothing bursary?


The story is that Penny Lane was based heavily on Bebe Buell probably most famous for being the mother of Liv Tyler (“conceived” with Stephen Tyler)

One of her more modest outfits. Lookit how pretty Steven was!


Rod would not have been one of my groupie targets, for the record.

The original "leggings as pants" ensemble. Daring, yet dashing.


And while the pose is not particularly klassy, I do indeed love the knotted blouse crop-top look. You know, if I was 20 and driving around on tour buses.

I think she's asking for another drink.


Apparently Topshop did an entire collection dedicated to the 70’s groupie back in 2009. How did I miss this? Oh, right. I was 20 months pregnant. Not what Mick Jagger was likely looking for.

White powder sold separately.


Yes, it was a more subtle sensuality being dished out by the seventies groupies, something that is lost on the current day model.

They just don't sell jean shorts like that these days.


I adore the above photo. Looking at it, I can’t help but think of this song:

Don’t lie. It’s catchy. Sigh, I am so old.

These days, the groupies don’t even try anymore. It’s a lost art.

The physics around the dress worn by the young lady on the far right goes over my head. Physics in general goes over my head.


It bothers me that these girls don’t even want to go to the bar with Axl Rose and his posse, they’re ok with heading straight to the hotel lobby for the after-party, and that’s not cool. Who’s raising you wrong, my bitches?

Of course, our modern day rock star “groupie” icon has to be Kate Moss:

I think I've referenced this photo previously (maybe to piss L-A off on purpose).


Sexy (yes, L-A, debatable), casual, and certain to get on the bus for the full tour experience. This is likely more up L-A’s alley (pun!):

S/S D&G Collection


L-A’s classy and sassy. She’s only going on the tour bus if there is a promise of boxed wine and unlimited amounts of “Treat yo’ self” days from the rock star in question.

I don’t get much of a chance to dress up like a rock star groupie these days, but I’m looking for an excuse (meaning L-A needs to set this up as an FPQT challenge, which I will only agree to in the warmer weather. You can’t do groupie in a puffy coat and hiking boots required for the bullshit Nova Scotia weather. Word?)








10 Comments leave one →
  1. Intern Krista permalink
    January 23, 2012 9:49 am

    Jumpy claps, this is amazeballs. If you can find it, you have to watch the SNL take on Rock of Love with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler. Equally amazeballs.

    • allygarbs permalink
      January 23, 2012 10:07 am

      I am absolutely going to need to Google that. Let me know if you manage to find it!

      • Intern Krista permalink
        January 23, 2012 3:14 pm

        All of the videos were removed on YouTube, etc, but here’s the transcript:

        “Here’s why I’m going to win Bret’s heart. I can do the worm, I’ve served jail time, I got mad skin tags and I’m rocking one leg, bro’!”

  2. January 23, 2012 9:56 am

    Amazing. November Rain, Kate Moss, Penny Lane. It’s like every awesome reference of life in one post.

    • allygarbs permalink
      January 23, 2012 10:06 am

      I thought you’d like this, Mel!

  3. Kimberly Rogers permalink
    May 28, 2012 11:05 pm

    My first rockstar conquest was the adorable, blonde drummer of Iron Maiden fame, Clive Burr. I saw and met the band as a mere fifteen year-old virgin groupie during the bands’ “Beast on the Road” tour back in the summer of 1982. They played here in Ottawa, Canada. I got to meet and greet Iron Maiden after the show with my two older girlfriends and we got invited back to the Chateau Laurier Hotel downtown where the band was staying.
    I was a nervous freaking wreck! Lead singer Bruce Dickinson was such a cuddle -cookie & a great bear-hugger! But Clive I fell devouringly in lust with. He was soft-spoken in his London accent, and a real dear. He was THE one I became intimate with, but I will not go into details, because I hold them private since Clive is now suffering from terrible Multiple Schlerosis.
    I still love and will always remember being Clive’s groupie lover
    and will ALWAYS hold Clive Burr dear to my heart……
    Peace & Love, Maiden Rules!
    Kimberly Ann Rogers xo


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