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Here’s the thing Gaga, it’s not me, it’s you.

May 25, 2011

L-A: I didn’t think I’d need to get my hate on about a celebrity quite so soon after Ally lost it on Blake Lively. I thought we’d make this a once a month thing. But then this happened on my TV screen.

oh. no. you. didn't.

And only a few days before that?


Seriously?  Are you mothereffing kidding me? Guest editor for Metro? With sparkly tassles hanging from your bra? I don’t remember newspaper newsrooms looking like that when I briefly worked in one.  And cuddling with Ben effing Mulroney?

There is performance art and there is fame whoring. And that is NOT performance art.

I know, we’ve got some history with you. It took us awhile to come around to you. I remember the days when I was all, “who’s Lady Gaga“? And then Intern Eden dressed like you on the streets of Toronto. I started to find you whimsical. Like this, this amused me:

Boobs on fire! Amazing!

Good Witch Glinda/Gaga at Grammy’s? Glittery whimsy!

I mean, not at all practical, but that’s okay. We called it performance art and we moved on.

But something happened. Something’s changed. I guess when you go this big, you ran into the problem of how do you top it. And then top that. And then top that again. Which must be why you pulled this shit:

An egg? If you had proposed that to me, I would have honestly said to you: are you fucking kidding me?  But you couldn’t just show up in an egg. Oh hells no. You had to give us some bullshit about it being about incubation. Actually, your creative director did:

She’s in an embryonic stage and won’t be born until her performance this evening

So let’s get this straight? Bullshit answer AND from a creative director?


Because here’s the thing. Your over-the-top-ness is boring. It’s predictable. No, I didn’t guess you’d show up in an egg. I just knew you’d try to do something crazy. So I expect crazy. Every time. Which means the crazy isn’t new. When you hit the red carpet, everyone shakes their head, chuckles, and says, “oh that Lady Gaga! What’ll she think of next?”  You know who else we say that to? Little kids. Like when your four year old uses lipstick to camoflauge his face and wears your heels. You just chuckle and say, “oh that little billy! What a rascal!”

You know what’d shock me? Jeans. That would make a statement and a half at this point. Steal Bieber’s hoodie. Then I’d be like, holy crap! She’s got something to say about the fame machine. But an egg as a metaphor for incubation and birth? Chickens are doing that every day.

And then this. This is where you officially lost me:

I heard it before I knew it was you. Before I saw the video. Someone from across the room was playing it. And all I could think was: something’s wrong with Express Yourself.

I know. Blah blah blah, it’s not ripping off Madonna.


I might listen to you and your producers and accept your status as an artiste, except this:

Sweet merciful, no. Just no. I can’t even decide who the bigger fame whore is in this picture. He’ll interview a Kardashian like she’s actually someone who’s done something worth talking about. You’ll sell yourself to the highest bidder and tell me it’s art.

Well no more. I’m over you. I don’t care what you do or what you say or what any of your fans say. Because here’s the thing Gaga, it’s not me, it’s you. And we’re over.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. May 25, 2011 9:07 am

    Aw, I love her. Did you see her on SNL with Justin Timberlake? She was really funny!

    • L-A permalink*
      May 25, 2011 9:17 am

      I didn’t – but that wasn’t because of Gaga. I just never watch SNL anymore. I die see the digital short with her, Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake, but she wasn’t really necessary in that one.

      • May 25, 2011 10:18 am

        If you have time, you should watch a few of the sketches online. Liquorville and What’s That Name were both really good.

  2. May 25, 2011 10:30 am

    I like her too! I at least like that she is original and pushes the envelope – and actually writes her own songs and sings well! Those things are refreshing in today’s music world where there are so many talentless pop tarts roaming the landscape that are spandexed and auto-tuned to death. That being said I do agree with you that her antics are getting a bit old – it’s true that now that we expect her to do kooky things, it’s not shocking anymore when she does, it just comes off as a bit pretentious. I think she takes herself a little too seriously (though I agree with Jill that she was really funny on SNL – good to see her skewer her persona a little bit)

    • L-A permalink*
      May 25, 2011 10:36 am

      Those were all the reasons I liked her: she was interesting when so many pop stars weren’t. But now she’s less interesting and more of a well marketed machine of kooky with pretentious answers about art if you ask her to explain. She talked about eating Barbie heads on Letterman and then ate paper. But it’s like, “okay Gaga. Eat paper while you’ve got crazy eye makeup on. Whatever, next.”

      I’m also still thrown off by Born this Way. All of her other songs I know, I dug. They were kind of new and different. But this one just makes me dig out my copy of Immaculate Collection. (I used to compare Gaga to Madonna, but in a good way. This is not a good comparison).

      • Ivy permalink
        May 25, 2011 11:37 am

        Word on the Born this Way song. Complete Madonna rip off. I thought that the first time I heard it (on the Grammys award show?). I like her other hits but this one bugs the hell out of me! It’s not even a great song without the comparison.

  3. May 25, 2011 10:32 am

    Is it just me, or does Gaga look like a really busted up version of Amy Winehouse?

    You also forgot that gf WORE A DRESS MADE OF MEAT……

    • L-A permalink*
      May 25, 2011 10:37 am

      At least Amy Winehouse has an excuse for her busted upness: substance abuse addiction. This one looks like it and calls it art. Or wears a meat dress. (How did I forget to mention that?!?).

  4. Lynore permalink
    May 25, 2011 3:26 pm

    LOVES this post. It has a reality bytes, gen-Xer, I lived through grunge so give me a fucking break kinda vibe. Couldn’t agree more about Gaga. I was meh at first then I kinda dug the Alexander McQueen Bad Romance, Telephone mass murder Beyonce in the pussy wagon stuff but now ‘Born This Way’ bores me to tears. Not only is the track a ripoff of Express Yourself but the whole album seems to be a ripoff of ‘Like A Prayer’ era Madge minus the irony and tongue-in-cheek reflexive self-awareness. The vid for BTW was so literal and transparent I wanted to puke. Born This way. Gooey alien birth. Seriously? Give your fans a little more credit than that. The Judas video was no better. Biker bad ass wearing a crown of thorns like a bad ass Jesus while Gaga washes his feet. My, what a conceptual stretch. It was the ‘Like A Prayer’ video minus the statement on racism. Or any statement for that matter… other than maybe a PSA about how capes suck as motorcycle riding-wear. Gaga has become her own fame monster. Too bad she didn’t get the memo.

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