I wish, I wish: An Open Letter to wearers of Ray-Bans
L-A: Dear wearers of Ray-Ban Wayfarers: Sometimes, I kind of hate you.
Honestly though, it’s not you. It’s me.
You see, I hate you and your sunglasses because you are doing something that I cannot: you don’t look like a complete tool in your Ray-Bans. I do. I know I do. Not just knockoffs make me look like an idiot, I’ve had the real things on and I look dumb. Since I can never wear them without looking foolish, I project my jealousy or something onto you (I lasted one semester as a psych major). And it comes back as, “stupid hipsters, who do they think they are? Wearing Ray-Bans like they’re something fancy special.” But they are and I can’t wear them and it means I will never properly look like this:
Okay, there are other reasons I will not look like Audrey Hepburn (like, a foot and a half and maybe a hundred pounds). But I can’t even dress up like her and spend a morning hungover in front of Tiffany’s because I can’t wear Ray-Bans. Even Ally’s hero Sienna! WWSW? Ray-Bans, that’s what.
I’m jealous. Really and truly jealous that y’all get to look cool in these glasses and I don’t.
Except for you Mr. Sparkly Vampire:
But I think my contempt for you Robert Pattinson has more to do with your lack of showers and less to do with your choice in sunglasses.
As for the rest of you Ray-Ban Wayfarer wearers, I hope that every time you put them on, you look in the mirror and say, “Eff it. I look cool.” And then maybe you can shed a tear for me. Because all I’m left with is my ode to the Ray-Ban:
Sing it, Skee-lo. I know you feel my pain.
Ally: Even if this post sucked hard, I would not feel the need to add. Good thing L-A is on top of her game this evening because I am done like Megan Fox’s career. I am exhausted due to staying up till 11pm last evening. 11pm! The horror! So, excellent post. Yay. Me off to sleepy. Kisses?
L-A: p.s. we’re going to have a special Tuesday post happening that we worked on all Sunday.
p.p.s. You may have noticed the lack of shoe porn? That is because we are fresh out of shoes. We know you love to look at other people’s collections, but if you don’t submit, we can’t give you the porn. So please, give, and make it a happy Monday for everyone. Otherwise, we’ll just write about shoes and other accessories on Mondays.
p.p.p.s. You know, I think we need a poll.