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I wish, I wish: An Open Letter to wearers of Ray-Bans

June 14, 2010

L-A: Dear wearers of Ray-Ban Wayfarers:  Sometimes, I kind of hate you.

Honestly though, it’s not you. It’s me.

You see, I hate you and your sunglasses because you are doing something that I cannot: you don’t look like a complete tool in your Ray-Bans. I do. I know I do. Not just knockoffs make me look like an idiot, I’ve had the real things on and I look dumb.  Since I can never wear them without looking foolish, I project my jealousy or something onto you (I lasted one semester as a psych major). And it comes back as, “stupid hipsters, who do they think they are? Wearing Ray-Bans like they’re something fancy special.”  But they are and I can’t wear them and it means I will never properly look like this:

Okay, there are other reasons I will not look like Audrey Hepburn (like, a foot and a half and maybe a hundred pounds). But I can’t even dress up like her and spend a morning hungover in front of Tiffany’s because I can’t wear Ray-Bans. Even Ally’s hero Sienna! WWSW? Ray-Bans, that’s what.

I’m jealous. Really and truly jealous that y’all get to look cool in these glasses and I don’t.

Except for you Mr. Sparkly Vampire:

But I think my contempt for you Robert Pattinson has more to do with your lack of showers and less to do with your choice in sunglasses.

As for the rest of you Ray-Ban Wayfarer wearers, I hope that every time you put them on, you look in the mirror and say, “Eff it. I look cool.” And then maybe you can shed a tear for me.  Because all I’m left with is my ode to the Ray-Ban:

Sing it, Skee-lo. I know you feel my pain.

Ally: Even if this post sucked hard, I would not feel the need to add. Good thing L-A is on top of her game this evening because I am done like Megan Fox’s career. I am exhausted due to staying up till 11pm last evening. 11pm! The horror! So, excellent post. Yay. Me off to sleepy. Kisses?

L-A: p.s. we’re going to have a special Tuesday post happening that we worked on all Sunday.

p.p.s. You may have noticed the lack of shoe porn? That is because we are fresh out of shoes. We know you love to look at other people’s collections, but if you don’t submit, we can’t give you the porn. So please, give, and make it a happy Monday for everyone. Otherwise, we’ll just write about shoes and other accessories on Mondays.

p.p.p.s. You know, I think we need a poll.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. Cailean permalink
    June 14, 2010 7:32 am

    I feel the same way! My Mom has a pair of wayfarers and I try atleast once a week to wear them. I get out of the house and at some point in the first hour I see my reflection and quickly take them off. I did, however, purchase a pair of Ray Ban aviators and they work! I wear them with everything. I still feel a twang of jealousy when I see my Mom and anyone else pull off the wayfarer look… I might join you on the hate train to make it easier, never thought of that;)

    • L-A permalink*
      June 14, 2010 9:09 am

      It really does make it easier…right up until I think about why I hate them. That’s when I remember it’s just me being insecure (or something). I guess it’s not their fault they look good in wayfarers.

      Aviators are another look I fail at. Also anything super sporty (which is okay, because I am not super sporty). Shopping for sunglasses can be such a trial for me – so when I find a pair, I wear them forever.

  2. June 14, 2010 10:52 am

    It’s the 54mm wayfarers that really look great on so many people, and places like Sunglass Hut don’t stock that size lens — they tend to stock the 50mm lens. Also, if the standard wayfarers don’t look good on you, try Ray Ban Cats or the new High Street Wayfarer. Both of those designs are both a little closer to the Breakfast at Tiffany’s sunglasses anyway. (If it makes you feel better, that model isn’t made anymore, so nobody will really get to look like Audrey Hepburn.) I actually like Cats a lot better, and they are way less ubiquitous than wayfarers, which is nice.

    • L-A permalink*
      June 14, 2010 11:29 am

      I had no idea that there was a difference in lens sizes when it came to Ray-Bans (we’re light on research here sometimes). I can’t say for certain, but I think I did try on the 54mm lens before (they seemed larger than other wayfarers that I’ve seen) and I still looked silly. I may give the Cats a try though …as an experiment.

      As for Audrey, I’m actually okay that I’ll never be able to dress up like her. I’d probably get my ass kicked by a Tiffany’s employee who is tired of seeing fans of the movie all dressed up and loitering outside of the store. (I assume I wouldn’t be the first to do so).

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