In which we are nominated for all the awards in all the world
Ally: It is Tuesday, therefore it is time to start the Wednesday post. I am looking forward to this because my mood is in the crapper. Can you guess why?
a) My son peed all over himself, myself and all the walls, and I mean ALL the walls, in his bedroom at 6:15am this morning
b) My son vomited over outfit #3 today, thus putting him in a fierce “who can wears the most prettiests outfits in one day” competition. His closest competitor is Lady Gaga at any awards show. She would likely think wearing spit-up and pee is an incredibly profound statement about the state of the economy.
c) My son’s diaper genie bag ran out meaning I had to empty it and take the garbage out in a massive wind/rain storm resulting in me falling flat on my ass while wearing my pajamas (it was 7am, give me a break).
d) I spilt coffee all over myself and the kitchen floor
e) If you answered all of the above, you would be correct! You win a chance to look at my bitchface for a full five minutes.
Speaking of bitchfaces! As L-A put it in one of her tweets, we’re practicing our best bitchfaces for when we pick up the THREE awards we are up for at the Canadian Weblog Awards.
Oh that’s right, bitches. We find it all kinds of hilarious that we are up against LaineyGossip in one of the categories (pop culture & entertainment). We realize we’re going to eat it hard in that category, worse than the time Jessica Simpson’s Mom Jeans ate her ass.
We’re totes excited. L-A aptly compared us to Sally Field and Drew Barrymore due to the level of insane gushing we are doing. On the topic of awards (love my segues today!), we are trying to live-tweet the red carpets at all of the major awards (and even the shitty ones, who are we kidding). This means we’ll be working this Sunday night during the Grammys red carpet. Make sure to follow us! We plan to be really funny, mostly because we plan to get really drunk. Not as drunk as we’ll get for the Oscar’s red carpet, but pretty close. We’ve been thinking of an appropriate drinking game for each of the awards. I’m stuck at what to do for the Oscars, but I think we should put one down the chute each time one of the following things happens during the red carpet/award ceremony:
- Each time Billy Bush compares himself to Simon Baker (I realize it’s the music awards, but Billy finds a way to bring this up at any opportunity. )
- Every time Lady Gaga changes an outfit
- Every time Perez Hilton tweets about Lady Gaga during the broadcast (bitch won’t be invited, will he?)
- Each time Kanye rushes the stage/wears gym clothes/brings his own booze
- Whenever Jesus is thanked. Cause you know, Jesus isn’t busy with other things right now. He’s solely focused on ensuring Taylor Swift wins Artist of the Year (When is Taylor going to stop writing songs about being a little girl. Seriously. Every time I hear Fifteen I want to pull her stupid curls…and you know I love me some country. When there are rumours about you dating John “I want to pee on you” Mayer it’s time to move past the innocent act).
- Whenever someone pulls a bitchface. I’m looking at you, Carrie Underwood. (Urban Dictionary defines this as:
A face that somebody gives when they are angry/annoyed/irritated. Meant to ward off any bystanders who will further bother said person. This is a look that can kill, if need be.
“Shit don’t look over there, girl got a badass bitchface on!”
L-A, can you think of any others?
Personally, I can’t wait to see what the Grammy’s will bring fashion-wise. It’s basically a parade of narcissists trying to out-outrageous one another.
L-A: And this is where I suck at blogging. I mean, it’s lunchtime and I’m only just writing. I apologize. I had a Crafters meeting last night that ended with someone buying tequila for us at a mildly sketchy bar. I’m not just rolling out of bed with a massive hangover or anything, but my 8.30 meeting trumped blogging. Mea Culpa.
Moving on to our Grammy’s Red Carpet drinking game, two reader suggestions are:
- Whenever someone makes a Kanye “Imma let you finish” joke.
- Whenever someone gets asked about Glee/whether they will perform on Glee. (p.s. there is going to be a NPH episode of Glee directed by Joss Weedon. Your musical loving geeky gay socks just got blown off didn’t they?)
Okay, enough about us and onto a more serious note. As you know, we are BFFs with Haligonia. Well those awesome folks are planning a Haligonia4Haiti webathon (like a telethon, but on the webs) for Saturday, Jan. 30 at Pogue Fado here in Halifax. We don’t know if we’ll be there (we want to be there, but I have to work and am therefore ruining Ally’s fun chance to go to a bar and leave BabyG at home with El Jeffe). But you should go. Or watch online. There’ll be all kinds of Halifax musicians and other Haligonia bloggers there to entertain you. And, monies raised go to helping out Haiti. Win/win.