These boots were made for being hot
AllyG: Looks like you lot are stuck with me for at least another week. A visit to the Doctor today confirmed my earlier prediction that I will be pregnant until Christmas (well, she stated I’d likely go past the due date which is this Friday. As per usual, I need to dramatize this statement and insert Christmas as my best guess). I’m staying positive! Imagine the fun Halloween costumes! For example, Bubble Boy!
Moving right along to something that interests people outside of my immediately family, I’d like to talk about boots. This is a vast topic, and possible one that will need to be dealt with over several posts, now that I am here until Christmas, I agree to embark on that challenge. The reason I speak of the boots is a fabulous gal pal (let’s call her “S” for “Sexy”) sent me a note wondering how best to wear her booties during fall. Considering I have been wearing retro adidas track pants each day for the last week and a half (dudes, my maternity pants seriously don’t fit me anymore. I’m not even lying), I was curious as to why she would ask for my advice. Then I remembered that I am the co-writer of a fanatastic, witty, fashion blog. So I wiped the chocolate off my face (and XXXL tee shirt) and got to work.
Now, before I get into why I love the look above, “Sexy” told me that she was not into ankle boots (I know, right? Don’t worry, I’ll convince her) and needed assistance with what to pair her knee high boots with. As someone who spends an entire winter wearing nothing but knee-high boots, I feel adequately prepared to provide guidance. Now, please see Rachel Bilson above. Adorable, right? Yes, kittens, she is. She is pairing knee high boots with a solid, thick pair of tights. None of this pantyhose bullshit. Are you people still wearing pantyhose with your boots? STOP IT. IMMEDIATELY. You’re being disgusting.
Nothing makes your gams look more fab than a pair of structured tights. It sucks it all in ladies, trust. The best part about the above photo is the mini dress (I believe it is a dress, could be a skirt…either way my incredible advice is still correct). You can seriously wear a mini skirt or mini dress in fall/winter when paired with boots and tights. Now, we’re not talking a mini that provides occasional glimpses of your “Britney”, I’m talking a grown up mini that comes past mid-thigh.
Ladies, do I need to even state that if Paris Hilton is trying to guard your wares from the paparazzi you need to take a serious look in the mirror and slap yourself across the effing face.
Amanda Peet (love her, too bad she is a sucky actor!) has paired a great pair of boots (too short for my friend “S”, but knee highs would work as well) with a slim fitting toggle coat.
I’m of the opinion that if you are going to pair your boots with a skirt, you gotta be able to see some gams. Youknowwhadimsayin’? Nothing worse than having your skirt come past your boots. You look old-like, and again, you need to stop it. It’s disgusting.
I believe this blog put it best.
That’s so tragic I can’t even breathe. She seems nice too.
I’m glad that has been covered. I think those rules are fairly simple, and I really suggest we get a handle on that before we go too far into the F/W 09 boot trends. Even I, wearer of adidas retro track pants, can’t grasp the appeal of these “fly fishing disasters”.
Typically, I’d wear a body condom if I was told it was Prada. Not these atrocities though. Nuh uh. Also, brush your hair.
Why did you even bother getting dressed? More like the devil wears ca-ca on her feet. CA CA.
And another trend us mortals need to veer away from, the thigh-high boots…
Emilio Pucci is unbelievable, this much is true. And while you might look at the above photo and think, “perhaps I too could look like a Russian spy if I wore this outfit!”, I promise you that you will look like a tired hooker and your colleagues will all write horrible things about you on the bathroom walls.
Style.com did provide me with a great example of wearable boot fashion…
I’m feeling you, Derek Lam. Since the above woman is a supermodel, she is cool about wearing the boots/mini look sans tights. You know what she ain’t cool with? The fact that she has probably never met a Deep n’ Delicious cake. That’s sad right there.
Anyway, my back hurts. It hurts because I am massive and sitting for a long time causes me to turn into the equivalent of this:
I totally need life alert for the 2,458 times I have to use the washroom each night.
L-A, over to you. I know, I know, I’m doing an awesome job in keeping this blog classy.
L-A: Other than the following picture (which will only be a surprise if this is the only fashion blog you read):
(oh yes. that is a sneak peak of the Jimmy Choo/H&M collaboration).
I’ve been at a bit of a loss here tonight on the subject of boots. Why is that? Because I have what my dear friend M and I affectionately refer to as “fat calves”. Fat Calves aren’t some kind of poor self esteem on our part, it’s just that we often have difficulty finding boots that fit over our calves. Few things are as sad as seeing a grown woman cry because she can’t get the zipper up on her boots. You can’t even imagine. So that’s why I haven’t really been thinking about boots for fall: because I rarely, if ever, find a pair I like that also fit. You’d think this would make me embrace ankle boots, but oh no! I’m with S. I don’t like ankle boots! Whenever I wear a boot that stops at the ankle, I think Little House on the Prairie. Granted, I’ve never tried to wear ankle boots with a great heel, but this is a blind prejudice I’m willing to live with. So when I see Top Shop selling this:
I want to wear gingham, two braids and run down the hill towards Ma and Pa. But then I stop and remind myself that this is not the turn of the century (1900 style) and that I am not six, so dressing in gingham and pinafores is not acceptable outside of Halloween. And on the opposite end of the ankle high boot spectrum, I don’t love these either:
It’s a Top Shop version of what was seen on the Phi runway. I can’t really explain why I hate the ankle bootie so much, I just do and we’re going to leave it at that for now. That means we move on to boots that are aiming higher. Like, thigh high:
Okay, I don’t hate the jacket, but I did do a head tilt to try to figure out if I could like the boots. The head tilt didn’t work, so I wondered if it was maybe the perforated pattern in them. Let’s take a look shall we?
Verdict: What the hell Stella McCartney? Even if I can get past the fact that you skinned a muppet for your Fall ’09 RTW collection (which I can’t), I’m still stuck with the fact that these aren’t so much boots as they are leggings with built in feet. And truthfully, I fear that with boots like these, that’s where we’re headed. Which, is probably already available at your local fetish store. And that’s fine. Let the fetish store sell leather footie tights with a 5″ heel. I just think that there needs to be a line drawn between fetish and what you wear to work. Seriously.
I don’t want to hate on all high boots. I know they can be worn and look good. It’s just these super high boots that have me wondering. Because do you know what happens when you try to pair a thigh high boot with a normal outfit? This:
That outfit is just all kinds of wrong. I know she was having a Sunday Night out with the girls, but come on. Try a little. What I really hate is the stumpy bit of jeans that pop out between the bottom of her top and the top of her boots. I will admit that I might have liked her boots a bit better if she wore it with a different outfit, but she did not. So, je n’aime pas (translation: L-A thinks you should call your stylist or don’t wear the boots).
I think my inability to find boots that I love/that fit make me a bit harsher towards boots than I should be. Maybe this fall/winter I will try harder to be nicer to boots and fancy boot wearers (within reason. If you wear anything that looks like those Stella McC numbers, I will probably snicker at you).
(photos found at Fabric magazine)
I honestly can’t decide if I love or hate them. The part of me that is intrigued wonders if it is the impending rain/slushy winter that Halifax is going to suffer through? Or maybe it’s the fact that I still have an affinity for the early 90s and like the nod to the crispy Seattle weather. Who knows. But photos like this make me second guess my intrigue:
Honestly, I have yet to see Jessica Szohr/Vanessa wear anything that I’d even be remotely interested in wearing. She makes these particular boots look like something a grandpa would wear hunting. Does she have a stylist? Does that stylist hate her? Does the costume designer for Gossip Girl hate her? They must. Because the kid almost always looks bad. And no, it has nothing to do with me hating her for getting to go home with Ed Westwick at night. It’s photos like this that make me hate her (my hatred for her character I’ll blame mostly on the GG writers):
Kitten has got an awful sense of style (what are those sandals? and what the eff?? is that a romper? I’m pretty sure it is. It is the worst romper I have seen ever. hands down. I wouldn’t even wear that shit as PJs) and a perpetually sour look on her face, despite the fact that she has at least one really pretty accessory going on – her arm candy Ed. What up? Is he a douche in real life or something? Because kiddo, you’ve snagged one of the most lusted after men on television, try to look like you’re a little bit happy about that. At least look smug.